Thursday, June 25, 2015

Friends vs True Friends

         It's 2.30AM right now and for some reason I can't sleep. Well, I can sleep but I don't want to. At least not yet. Waiting till Sahur coz sekali tido, mmg terus ZZZZZzzzzzzz... Anyways, while I am awake, I suddenly start flashbacking to my youthful days. Specifically when I was in UNITEN.

        I mean I remembered how terrible I felt when I found out I had to come back to Malaysia. I mean, I had a good life when I was in the states, great friends, great entertainments, great memories... So having to come back here was like... S***. Then things change when you meet friends in UNITEN. Had a group and that group was like a good group. We had loads of fun. There were at times DRAMA.. but we had tons of fun.

     Now many of us are married, will be parents. Those who aren't married, I can see how successful they are and happy traveling around. I myself am married and have two wonderful boys that I can't live without... Point is, I am sitting in front of my laptop right now browsing through my Facebook and for some bizarre reason I went through my 'friends' list and realized how few of them I know and still kept in touch. As I flashbacked though, I remembered how my great groupies of friends, or 'sisters for life' group, is really just a phase. I mean really sad... yet it doesn't happen to everyone though. For some, their groups has been keeping in touch and at times meet up. At times, envious to see but nevertheless, what I had was really just a phase.

     So for those who are still studying... and you think you would be friends forever, well, people change, life happens, for all you know, the person who you see everyday, take classes together, joke around, go through sad depressing times, could be your greatest enemy in the future. Or worse, that best friend could just forget everything you have been through together and finds a replacement.

    I learned the definition of friends vs true friends. A friend is when they are nice to you for a period of time and at times they will go through those rough times together. Sometimes, they will lend their shoulders for you to cry on. Sometimes, they will help you when in need. Most of the time they are only there for you because there is no one better at that moment.
While a true friend is when you don't need to see each other everyday or contact each other everyday but when you do meet up, you and that friend could talk forever about anything and everything. A true friend is when they don't give sweet promises about how they will always be there for you no matter what but instead when they sense you have a problem would automatically ask how to help. A true friend is helping each other grow and give each other advice. A true friend is when your greatest moment (for example, wedding... giving birth... admitted in the hospital...) happens, they will be there as support.

   I am blessed to have many friends and once upon a time I really did think my group of friends will last till I have grandkids. But I am more blessed to have found true friends, which I found after my university years and many of them were my colleagues. So, being friends for years doesn't necessarily mean they are your true friends, they might just be your friends. Having thousands of friends is great but having a few good friends in life is priceless.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Does being pregnant make you feel pretty or just insecure?

I am now 34 weeks... 6 weeks to go till the big day. Excited, scared, mixed emotions really... For those who are pregnant, this is the week where back aches, headaches, ligament pains, and muscle cramps will frequently happen and for some this is the moment where you'd just wish for the baby to come out. 

As for me, this will be my second baby. Scanned and checked, it will be a baby boy. So I will be having two sons. As happy as I am, I know that this will also mean less sleep, more stress, requirement of excessive energy (I mean chasing after two boys will not be a walk in the park) and of course, making sure to provide all their needs.

So as my title states, being pregnant, does it make you feel pretty or just insecure? Well, to be honest with you, when I was first pregnant with my first child, no doubt I thought it was the greatest gift life can give and I felt I was the prettiest woman in the world and no one can replace me because well my husband pays extra attention to me. However, when I found out I was pregnant the second time, I didn't have the same confidence in my beauty as I did the first time. For some reason, it made me feel extra nervous because based on my family history, looking at the pictures, every woman in my family, after having their second child, they literally blew up. I mean, they blew up in their size. THEIR HIPS! THEIR BUTTOCKS! My husband knowing this, has countless of times warned me to take care of my body once this baby comes out because it's kinda shameful to have a wife with two kids yet a body like an elephant. Ok, it's harsh but he's right though. Ladies, if your husbands tell you that they accept you for who you are no matter how big you get, well, just remember, would you rather take care of your body and your husbands' eyes on you and only you or, you let it all go and your husbands' eyes on someone young and smashing. 

INSECURITY! WHICH I rarely have, I mean, I am usually confident. Sometimes too confident. LOL. Anyways, insecurity... When I found out I was pregnant 4 months, that's when I noticed my husband looking at me in a different way. And this isn't the same look he had when we first found out we were gonna be parents for the first time, this look  was more of a worried 'what will my wife look like with two kids'. That's when I started being really worried that my husband will look for another. Ok, he's not that kinda guy and it's just my feelings, but, seriously, ever since I saw that look, I can't keep myself away for too long from my husband. Even when he went to the bathroom, thoughts of what is taking my husband so long, is he texting someone in there, is he secretly calling someone. Reality, he is just doing his business in the bathroom but to me everything he does is just suspicious. So these are just signs of insecurity because the fact is, he is just doing what every husband normally does, go to work, come home, have a light conversation and sleep. 

Whenever he touches his cell, I keep thinking is he looking for someone else. Is he texting someone because he is getting bored of me. Gosh, I seriously hate this feeling of being insecure. I am usually confident and calm  but because of this insecurity, sometimes I'd get into a heated argument wth him. THANK GOODNESS he is an understanding person.

Reality is ladies, when you are pregnant, your hormones will go overboard. I mean seriously crazy. Every women would go through a different phase of pregnant symptoms but what is common between us all is our hormones. Whether we eat too much or sleep too much or have crazy jealous feelings (such as I do), what we need to do is control it. If you are like me, then you definitely need to suppress those feelings and let it out in a bathroom or something because if you go through with these negative emotions it might lead to a negative consequence. I suggest, whenever you feel your husband is not being fair or isn't romantic enough, or if you feel your husband looks at you with disgust, take a deep breath and keep telling yourself that it is all in your head and your crazy hormones. Take another deep breath, and just let it go and do things normally. Always make silly jokes and talk calmly with your husbands because it's not just you who's going through a big change in life, so are they. For them, it's extra stressful because as a father, he is responsible in raising the family right, providing not only your children's needs but your needs too. As a Muslim, not only is the men responsible financially but spiritually as well. So the next time you feel insecure, just remind yourself that you are carrying a gift of life.


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Full Time Housewife

It is official, I am a full time housewife. I am at week 33 now and counting the days to go till I give birth. Nervous, scared, excited, can't really say how I feel coz kinda got mix emotions of it. 
The past couple of months have been challenging yet I really believe 'everything and anything happens for a reason', SOOOOO I take it that there is a reward to facing the challenges.

So my workplace has made it official that I will need to stop working at the end of February and I have and a week or so after, my grandmother (on my mother's side) passed away. It was an emotional moment because 2 days before she went, my husband, son and I visited, at that time I had a feeling it wasn't long but I didn't expect her to leave 2 days after. Went to her funeral, saw her peaceful face and gave countless of Al-Fatihah so that she may join the others to Heaven. 

A day after, my parents and my brother came back from Canada. Good news is that my mother is able to stay with me until the end of May to take care of me once I give birth. See, as Malaysians, once we give birth, we have a period of 44 days in taking care of what we eat,drink and do. The point of this is that once we are older,we won't have health problems, or our bodies won't sag or gain excessive weight. So my mom is here to make sure that I take care of what I eat and do so that when I am in my 40s or 50s, I would still have a stunning body.

It is kind of weird not going to work and staying home as a housewife. I feel so empty and useless especially at the end of this month,since I don't have my own money to spend. Yes of course, that's what husbands are for however, it's just better to earn your own money so that you wouldn't feel guilty of spending or over spending (ladies, you know what I mean). Anyways, I tried applying to be a freelance writer and sent a sample of my writing, guess it didn't make the cut coz until today haven't heard from that person.

I take it as a challenge from Allah of what is happening and I pray that it gets better once I give birth. I am also thinking of continuing my studies maybe get a Master's in Education since I am dedicated to becoming a teacher. Whatever it is, I am going to go through the day one after another and I am going to face these challenges with my head up high.

I know that there are wives out there that face even bigger challenges than what I face so I am always thankful that at least my challenges there are still solutions and am not stuck. Since I am super free, tomorrow is another blog entry. Title: Do Pregnant Women Really Feel Beautiful or Just Insecure?

Till tomorrow.

Friday, January 9, 2015

I think I got screwed...

So I am in need of a job from home thing since recently my boss tells me that I will only need to come in the afternoon. My pay is decreased and having two children just makes the motherly me feels that I as a mother really need to find more ways to get more money.
Even though my lovely hardworking husband isnworking his butt off to support our family, Istill need to find a way to help my dear hubby. I mean not that we don't have enough BUT just something extra for education savings or life savings or retirement. Whatever itnis I just need to find a way to get extra.

*sigh* I wish I had skills like knitting or sewing so that I can offer my beautiful services to make pretty dresses or something. Or maybe cooking so that I can do catering or something.

Anyways, my title is I feel I got screwed. Well I was desperate or desperado so I thought registering myself with would give me the opportunity to addnin my income by translating documents. Besides I saw the add come out in the STAR newspaper so it should be legit. SO I payed rm120 something and I thought maybe I can get started with translating and earn back the money I used to register. However it has been 3 days and still no job offers for translating and everytime I sign in it will always put my at the step 1.

It says there I should make a website but I don't want to because I have run out of models to register this freaking thing. ***siiiiighsss**** hopefully in the next week something will come up but in the mean time no more being naive and gullible and the media are freaking liers!!!

Farah u r not going to be a gullible desperado and invest the next time. Maybe I should do odd jobs or taking care of children.

Till the nex time. Toodles~~~~~~~~

Sunday, August 31, 2014

I'm back...

After so many years, I am now blogging again... I'm back... I miss blogging.. I used to be so into it before... Now, I'm going to blog again...

Currently waiting for my husband, yup, husband... I'm someone's wife now!!!! I got married on 22nd December 2012.. A year later, got a son. Overall, life is wonderful just because it's filled with wonders. How not everything goes as u plan, how sometimes you just wish you could end it and as well as how it never ends.

More to come as soon as I get the chance....

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

ToDay I will b talking about my Idol. ^.^

Ok.... today's story... hmmmm....

I just read my idol's blog... hehehe... it was his brthday on the 6th of November... my dad's bday was on the 4th... and I just got to touch this blog thingy today. hehehe.... Paid the bills today, went to KLCC to close down my parent's line. ~Sighs~ With every minute passes by, a challenge comes by 1 after the other. I feel so swamped with what is happening, but I can't just take the easy way out. So I pray to Allah and hope for the very best.

MySpace muahahahaha!!! I will get through life, just wait and see.

My late grandmother used to say, it is not good to sigh. When you sigh, means you whine. When you whine, it is like you question to what the mighty Allah has given to you. I used to whine, really, I used to question, why am I here>? What am I doing? Why is my luck so rotten?Q@!! MySpace

This kind of whiningness, these questions, happened when I was back studying at the States. Boy, was I stupid back then. Another thing that was crossing my mind back then, I thought that if I was to go back to Malaysia, I'd be a typical shallow person. How bad is that?? Until, I was introduced to my Idol. My mom told me to look at him, watch him, see what he does, and learn. Mr Haji Aznil Nawawi is truly my idol. I have always wanted to be just like him. How he smiles everyday, doing his show with such strength and enthusiasm makes me see that if he can do it, why can't I. He makes me realize that Malaysian people are not shallow. I was. I was so shallow that I couldn't broaden up my mind to see that I was just too arrogant. Mr. Aznil is my Idol. Totally! My dream is if I could get to meet him. I would shake his hand and say THANK YOU!! THANK YOU MR AZNIL FOR OPENING UP MY MIND AND SEE A BROADER PICTURE. Hopefully, I get to see him one day. Even if a lot of people say that it's super easy to see him, well, if it's super easy THEN WHY IS IT SOOO HARD TO MEET HIM THEN!! Hahahaha... oh well, I'll just pray harder. MySpace

Friday, October 30, 2009

with a feeling of guilt....

Today's Mood: Guilty as HELL!!!

To my lovely dear sister.... Sara... I am really truly deeply sorry.... I didn't mean to forget your bday... Really, I am So SOOOOOORRRRRYYYY!!!! Not that I forgot, but I am not the kind of person that remembers these things... The post below was when I just opened up a blog, therefore, I really did forget to put in your name....

With this feeling of guilt.... this made me realize:

I am not a good sister

I am not a good friend either

I am not a good person

Bcoz I realize, not only did I not remember when Sara's bday is, but a lot of other people as well... Falzal's bday.... Amin Monopose... and probably a bunch of other people as well... what kinda person forgets these things... what kind of friend am I.... not a very good one... and the guilty feeling from something that happened like 20-30 minutes ago made me realize that... no wonder people see me as someone bad... no wonder people always say that I always look guilty.. because I am..

I'm guilty for not being a good friend

I'm guilty for not being a good sister

I'm guilty for not being a good person

No one to blame but myself....

oh n one more thing

R.I.P. Brian Picone... you're always known to be a great loving guy

~~Way to go Farah! -.- u shud b in bars~~